The first glass dulls the senses.
That’s what we put on every bottle, but we also tell people. Don’t – don’t drink it right away. We really want you to savor the taste, that kind of – right, crisp kind of, um, winter morning. In a peach orchard. You have to picture it in your head or the drink doesn’t – please, don’t sip it yet. You have to picture the orchard first. Right. Do you have it in your mind yet? Is it there? We’ll have to charge you a second time if this doesn’t work.
Sir, I need you to pay attention. This isn’t the kind of drink that you, um–
The second glass dulls the mind.
So the second pour here, not so different from the first. This wine features a couple of really interesting flavors and – sir, please, I need you to listen to me – interesting flavors and they all come from China. Peaches in China – sir, could you, um – in China feature heavily in the romantic history of the.
Um.
Region.
I’m really warning you, sir, you shouldn’t drink it that fast.
The third glass slows the heart.
Now on to the third pour here, you’ll really start to appreciate the – um, yes, that’s my – it’s my family’s establishment but that’s not why I – right, thank you, I’m very proud of it. We came from the mainland many years ago. Helped build the railroads, I think. It’s a little iffy there but we have a spike in the back. From the old railroad. The old railroad, sir. Sir.
I think my great-great grandfather built it. Or great-great-great grandfather. He helped to blast through the mountains with dynamite so they could lay track. That’s how the story goes, anyway, but he also brought peach seeds and – sir, you’re listing a little there – planted them. We don’t use those peaches, though.
For the wine.
It’s imported.
I can’t say from where.
The fourth glass weights the body.
Sir, I’m warning you, do not drink it this fast. This isn’t like other spirits you’ve tried. I’m really – listen to me – I’m really going out of my way to help you right now.
You’re going to see a peach orchard. An orchard covered in a thick snow. You’re going to start feeling the cold on your legs. This is normal. It is a normal part of the experience, but you need to listen to me right now and stop drinking from that fucking bottle. I don’t know who you are and I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but this – sir, please stop. Sir. I need you to listen.
The fifth glass tethers the spirit.
What was her name? You came here specifically and you asked for this specifically and I need to know what her name was right now. Sir. Fuck.
Do you know what this stuff is? This isn’t a joke. I’m not laughing right now.
What you’re seeing is a hundred percent real. This is no longer a vision. You are walking through a real orchard. Your legs are really tired. You can see your own breath in front of you and it your real breath from your real mouth.
We need to stop right now. You need to st–
The sixth glass opens the door.
I am begging you. There is a method for this and you’re not doing it right. I can’t – I don’t know the numbers. I never learned the trigrams.
My grandfather never taught me this stuff because we never thought we’d have to use it. The divination isn’t supposed to let something back through. Are you listening to me? Are you – do you understand? We can stop what’s about to happen but you need to listen to what I’m saying.
You’re going to start seeing something else in the snow right now. In the orchard. I don’t know what they told you was out here but it was a lie. Your wife, or girlfriend, or child, or whoever you thought was coming back is gone. You’re standing in a slice of something between here and there, and there is getting dangerously fucking close to here.
Their skin is going to be white, so you need to look for the eyes. They’re pink, and they weep like open sores on an old piece fruit. They’re going to stand out against the snow, but not by much so you have to pay atten– there it is. You see them now.
Back away slowly. You’re going to start seeing the hair next, and the bodies. It’s all white. Do you know what an arctic fox is? They’re “arctic” because it’s the same color as their environment, they evolved like that. But what you’re seeing isn’t like a fox or a bear. They’re pack hunters.
They’ve probably already seen you. Being seen is not good. But we haven’t–
Okay. That’s a bad look. Back away very slowly. The farther you walk, the closer you’re going to get– sir.
Sir.
I need you to put the glass down.
The seventh glass lets the world in.